croonies

TOP 10... ish

2009-01-05T21:13:00.002-07:00

If there's anyone in here, among the crickets and tumbleweeds, this is my rundown for the year. I've yet to catch most of the critical darlings (i.e., Let The Right One In, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, Doubt, Valkyrie, Appaloosa, The Counterfeiters, Blindness, The Class, Milk, Gran Torino, Frost/Nixon, Waltz With Bashir, Paranoid Park, The Reader, Synechdoche, New York, The Wrestler, Pineapple Express, Revolutionary Road, Taxi To The Darkside, Australia, My Winnipeg, Wendy and Lucy, etc., etc...), so my list consists mostly of popcorn and genre flicks. Randomly placed.

The Dark Knight

I didn't think Nolan could pull this one off after the grotesquely overrated Batman Begins. I was grotesquely wrong.

Best scene: Batman interrogates The Joker.

Redbelt

David Mamet. Chiwetel Ejiofor. Ricky Jay. Go. See. It. Now.

Best Scene: The anti-Rocky ending.

The Ruins

With one film, the killer plant genre bloomed to brilliant new heights... with one more (The Happening), it was forever silenced.

Best Scene: Finding the "cell phone."

Best Scene, honestly: Laura Ramsey naked.

Cloverfield

Finally, Hollywood makes amends for Godzilla '98.

Best Scene: Crabs in the tunnel.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Ah, what the hell, I'm gonna go ahead and say it: Best Superhero Movie Ever.

Best Scene: H.B. and Abe get drunk

The Visitor

Saddest damn movie of the year.

Best Scene: The last shot of the film is the most raw and powerful cinematic moment of the year.

Speed Racer

You're all wrong.

Best Scene: "Get that weak shit off my track!"

Quarantine

Better than the original. And the original was pretty much perfecto.

Best Scene: Something's in the attic.

In Bruges

The year's best Fairy Tale movie.

Best Scene: Every minute Gleeson was onscreen.

The Fall

Pan's Labyrinth... Lite.

Best Scene: The villian utters his last line.

Ah, what the hell, let's go eleven:

Burn After Reading

Can the Coen Brothers do no wrong? (Oh yeah, Intolerable Cruelty.)

Best Scene: The top-secret basement project.

By the way, the worst movie of the year goes to Diary of the Dead. Go watch Cloverfield and Quarantine, George, then come back and try again.

what a year in film

2009-01-04T17:20:00.002-07:00

I have been researching and researching the films that were released in 2008. As I prepare my top ten list I must be sure that it is inclusive and unbiased (limited releases, festivals, straight to DVD, foreign, etc.), and during this digging I have come to realize that as much as every critics top ten varies, there are common denominators. But I have not found two critics that place one movie the same - let alone all the same movies, which shows me that it was a bad year in film. People are grasping for that last bit of air as they realize that they are trapped in that underground water system, miles from anyone to hear a pitiful cry for help, and days, weeks, or months before their body is flushed out the other end, polluting the water supply. No one can agree. There isn't a movie that tops them all.

The common denominators are as follows: Slumdog Millionaire, Wall-E, Let the Right One In.

I'm not saying those are my top three. I wouldn't consider putting Wall-E on the best 100,000 films I've seen. Here are the runner-ups: The Crappy Movie Called Benjamin Button, The Dark Knight, Milk, The Wrestler.

Those are the most common films that you will see on top tenners, and that only makes up 7 of the ten. The sad fact remains that I have only seen 3 of the said 7, and that is why it is too early to call it. As I look back on the year I am sadly disappointed, but I remain optimistic for my list. It is shaping up to be dramatically different than the lists I have seen. For example, I know that the Nazi movies are a real drag this year, but the oft skipped over The Counterfeiters is a major top ten contender, and I didn't even see it on top 50 lists.

Here is my last years top ten, which has since changed slightly now that I am older and wiser (no other movies, but Jesse James would have moved from honorable mention to top 3 and Persepolis would have been moved to honorable mention). I know there are going to be some of you who will hate this year's list, but I dont care. Make your own damn list. Here are the blueprints.

Stay posted for the list.

a new years resolution for everybody

2009-01-02T11:49:00.002-07:00

This year I did not sit down and make a list, I did not spend long hours and great deliberation to determine my resolutions. No. In fact I didn't make one resolution. I don't know why, I guess I just don't really care. I did; however, accomplish my last year's resolutions.

maniacal slurs

2009-01-01T12:18:00.002-07:00

Last night Robbie Maddison jumped onto the Arc d'Triumph in Vegas and then acid dropped 100 ft. off, breaking his hand in the process.
Here is a sweet video, but what makes this video especially great is the old lady's voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iwiVwA221Q

Sorry I couldnt embed the video here, but here is a user friendly link.

The disassembly of a nation

2008-12-30T17:11:00.003-07:00

America loves Brett Favre. This is the only explanation for his stupid, oldness being plastered all over the television this fall, maybe its just me, but last year it seemed that I every time I clicked on the tele there was his ugly mug and the Packers. Now it's his used catcher's mitt of a face and the Jets.

Is he an American just because he endorses Wrangler jeans? Or because he plays in NY? I say nay? Brett Favre is an old hack. Recently named the number one biggest flop on Fox Sports, and I completely agree. He should be on the list every year.

Success

2008-12-17T22:45:00.003-07:00

In case any of you missed this diamond in the rough.

Boggish noggish blosh

2008-12-13T20:23:00.006-07:00

Discovery channel debuted An Inconvenient Truth today, and, if I may speak freely, it is a very good documentary of someone doing a power point, but I am obligated to say that his facts are drastically skewed. But we get caught up in the semantics because we are in a melancholinous mood and feel we need to rescue the Earth.

We do need to do our part to reduce, reuse, recycle, but come on Al. You know what is crazy about Al Gore - if you replace the G with an F his name becomes Al F. Alf! Creepy.

dissolve: like a scene transition

2008-12-09T13:50:00.003-07:00

Nasubi means eggplant in Japanese, I think, I didn't have time to verify with my sister, but he was put on one of those cruel but funny Japanese game shows where he was placed in a room with nothing but magazines, a radio, some pens, and a phone. He was left to Lady Luck to win everything else, even food. He was held for 15 months.

Think I'm lying? Check it out here for yourself.

Jack Handy is Back

2008-12-02T21:33:00.002-07:00

It's the first I have heard from good ole Jack since "More Deep Thoughts".

This is The Plan.

He stays right on rythm with his old stuff.

Bee-reeve it

2008-12-02T21:11:00.001-07:00

I know you probably think that this blog is somehow linking bees and Christopher Reeves or telling some amazing fact that in some bizarre, extraordinary way the two cross paths in more ways and more closely than you previously thought, but I will tell you that you are incorrect.

But can you believe this BS about the bailout? The sad fact is there really is no way to track the money, and why would they trust crooks to tell the truth about where money is going.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/02/AR2008120200877.html

The stupid American

2008-11-29T15:27:00.005-07:00

I think it's quite telling when nearly every other country in the world thinks that the average American is an imbecile.

I'm starting to lose my faith as I watch these people squirm and hide as they dig us deeper into what is beginning to seem like a grave, and economists call a recession.

It's A Wonderful Life is an amazing film. It takes place during the life of George Bailey (James Stewart)...if you havent seen it I curse you. Go watch it right now! And if you have seen it, but havent watched it between now and October, go right now! The parallels to today are eerie. I'm not talking about the mundane tasks or the clothes or any of the details of the film, but Im specifically talking about the scrooge, "Big Business" Potter, the real estate loans and mortgage business, the bank crisis of '33, and the stupid American consumer.

The American people are doing the same things today during a crisis as they did in the 30's, 1880's, and since this country began, however different they may think it was. Bailey delivers the answer to our problems to his customers right after his marriage. It doesnt come in the answer of a big rescue, stimulus package, or federal program. No freaking way. Georgey boy knows better. It lies with the stupid average American...

so here's my towel.

At a seminar with some film students in the 1970s Frank Capra was asked if there were still a way to make movies about the kinds of values and ideals found in his films.

"Well, if there isn't," he said, "we might as well give up."

notw

2008-11-26T14:25:00.002-07:00

This company is retarded. These people love Christ, then why do they demean His actions by saying He is Not Of This World, when the opposite is exactly what made Him the only begotten of the father. The Savior of the world. Born a humble birth to Mary.

NOTW in essence is saying that he could handle taking everyone's sins upon His shoulders, and the crucifixion was a breeze. He couldn't really feel it. The ressurection was real magic. Voila!

Made for O'Rions everywhere

2008-11-25T20:30:00.002-07:00

I found this Japanese jem after looking through hundreds of fixie fotos

Here is the same beauty customized

Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well

2008-11-25T14:47:00.002-07:00

My dad had a white Peugeot PX10 Shimano road bike as I was growing up. I think this is his actual bike.

I wish I could go back in time. I would turn it into something like this.

the red party

2008-11-07T16:08:00.007-07:00

I hear a lot about socialism these days, and it's all because of the President-elect, Barack Husein Obama. Endorsed by the capitalist turned philanthropist, Warren Buffett, Obama is a no good Marxist who's only goal is to take the hard earned money from "Joe the plumber" and redistribute it to...well - Joe's half brother, Gary the electrician.

Bush's Administration has done nothing but good for this great nation, from the day he was elected: taking the longest presidential election on America's dollar, Homeland Security, Katrina, pushed equity into the markets, met with world leaders to establish regulation in global markets,$700 billion bailout, taking over private banks in a crashing economy, helping the farmer with agricultural subsidies, pork barrel politics, just to name a few. Now in the waning days of his presidency his administration is pushing for "midnight regulations". All to protect the American citizen from ourselves and leave a lasting impression. What an amazing President.

Obama says he wants to extend the unemployment benefits. He says that America needs to work for bipartisanship. What a crock. Sure he looks to noble republicans for advice, but is he really taking their advice or just doing what he did to win the votes and hearts of a new generation of Americans - lie! There are hints that he will look to drill offshore America where it is currently banned, which is maybe the first step to progress, but I bet he will just keep pushing for "alternative fuels". He is such a socialist. He is probably going to implement federalist programs to try and bring America out of this recession, something a Kommie would do.

So dont stop supporting the Red Party just because we have a new blue president-elect.

2008-11-07T13:32:00.005-07:00

The
done.

Jimmy Stewart female-ized

2008-11-05T00:09:00.008-07:00

Well this has been quite an exciting day. Im happy with the way that the election turned out. Im not going to lie though, I would have loved to have Hillary 08 in there, but Im not too picky when it comes to politics.

I woke up early (7:30 pacific) and got a good jump on the situation around the country. I was anxiously awaiting the early morning election day coverage, and it popped over to Sarah Palin voting in her home town. The cameras were in a frenzy as they caught glimpses of the not unattractive Governor/PVP. She walked into the city hall where she got her start in politics, I can only imagine that was somewhat nostalgic for her, voted, and walked out. She had to walk about 200 yards from the voting precinct before she could answer any questions for the press. The cameras rolled as she and her husband strolled hand-in-hand through the cold, snow packed parking lot. I assume there was some line or "X" because they stopped on point and began to answer questions. I watched in anticipation, as I have not been able to witness the stumbled over sentences or mundane blathering of the once beauty queen first hand. As her lips parted I was more taken by her choice of words, and especially the delivery. Palin has been known as the "hockey mom" throughout the campaign and has rashly been accused as someone who has no political experience, and I wont disagree. I despise McCain (see previous post), but I love Governor Sarah Palin. I grew fond of her, despite the rumors of her absolute moronic behavior, when she appeared on SNL. What a good sport.

But as she stuttered through her simplistic sentences I could only think of one thing - She is Mr. Smith. She has no formal training in political grammar. She isn't all put together. She doesn't have tons of experience. But she does have a vision. She does have a desire to help change this nation. She can gain a lot of experience in four years. Why not have two historic presidential elections back to back. What do you say...Palin '12?

Thats my two.

JT's "cry me a river"

2008-11-01T20:39:00.004-06:00

Im sick of the economic crisis. The Government has definitely screwed the consumer, mostly because of the fed mortgage/lending companies raping the everyday American giving it the old college try to succeed and somehow get ahead. They screw up and try to fix it with duct-tape (Im going to blame the baby boom generation for this, and you should know that I am anti-baby boomers. They are the prideful, money-hungry, destructive, savage, selfish, capitalist, old farts that are destroying this country. It shocks me that they will watch this country fall to shit, blame someone else, then try to rape the person they just blamed...and they regard themselves as the greatest generation.). Repairing a boat by pulling up other boards.

But the economy is not as bad as everyone says it is or as the American consumer feels it is. Sure we are spending less, but thats because we were spending a shit load. Its like Jerry once said about maximum strength meds, "I want you to figure out what will kill me, then back it off just a bit." Americans were finding out what would kill them, now they are backing it off a bit. Good.

Those companies failed because of the scandals and false reportings; because of the greedy CEO's that were going out with a bang (or golden parachute). The federal government, a.k.a. baby boomers, saw the dollar signs of the ballooning housing market and rode that bitch until she was dead. Stole her purse. And decided it would be best to skip town. Well Johnny "Utah" Law caught up to them, and now they are trying to bail their own asses out on the cash they stole from the dead hooker.

Like I was saying, the dollar is up. Way up. But America is in panic mode so we are holding to that little greenback like Lane Frost on "Red Rock". Gas is under $2 in some parts of the country, but we are still pissed. This shit is not happening again. The Gov's dont care because Exxon posted its highest gains ever for the last quarter and the bailout passed. I feel like Bill Haverchuck. Every American is Bill Haverchuck. When will it ever stop. Im hoping that the holidays will help.

my life sucks

2008-10-27T22:47:00.003-06:00

Well folks I hate to break it to you, but this blog has no fancy title that is secretly refering to some hidden meaning of something that was once better, but the title speaks for what my life is...currently. I suggest you just not read this one.

I wake up and go to work. I work a twelve hour day. I come home and sleep.

Man how can so many people do this? They get into a rhythm of this crap. Well I refuse. I swear to you. This time next week I will have good news to bring to the masses. I dont know what the news will be, but I will bring it, and it will be a change that will domino into something bigger. Im not promising a huge change right now, but I am promising change. This is a change you can believe in. Hmmm. That has a jingle to it.

So right now my life is slowly unraveling, well there was a big unravel tonight. After a super shitty week and some serious hours that I thought I would never be doing, after that situation where you put work before your loved ones...you know. You always see the situation in the movies...the dad who is working so hard so that he can get ahead and provide a better life for his family, but in the process he misses his kids tee ball games and ends up screwing everything up. Well I did that with my relationship. Then I blew up. (little L Im sorry)

Im just realizing that as I was getting this whole big ball rolling, I decided that I was going to work smart, but somehow I got lost. Im just working so freaking hard now. Too hard.

Im sorry about this crappy rant, but you dont have to read it.

Roman Holiday

2008-10-23T02:10:00.002-06:00

I know that many of you are excited about the title thinking, "Is he really going to blog about a movie that is good?" But let me tell you first hand...no. Im writing because I started working on a kiosk. It has only been two days and it is very discouraging. I have no spare time, hence the "holiday in the title" and I have to just keep reminding myself, as cliche as this is going to sound, but "Rome was not built in a day". So with those two little self help reminders I just might make it folks.

2 days = 2 sales

At this rate we will be hundredaires by months end.

The CDC is in the house

2008-10-14T00:48:00.006-06:00

Let me set this up for you...Its a rather upscale party, like the fundraiser that Bruce throws for Harvey. Classy people having a classy time when suddenly someone interrupts with a crash. Guns pop and really grab attention. The earsplitting bangs echo throughout the expansive corridors, and immediately set the guests on edge. A man...a man who lets his visage, demeanor, and eerie smirk precede his witty, wicked tongue. A man who resents his unpopular reputation with the people, or resents the people for their objectionable opinions. This is me.

Quarantine was awesome. I am a zombie movie fan. Im like a kid in a candy store when Im watching zombies dance across the screen; whether they be slow and rythmic or speedy and sporadic, I just love them. The critics were all mingling at some cavalier party, naysaying this film, and I'm busting down the doors with my rat-a-tat-tat.

This movie is a remake of a mexican film Rec, I assume named after the "RECord button", but was perfectly initiated. The Dowdle's were flawless. They did The Poughkeepsie Tapes. A film that is also dedicated to mutilation and horror, but on the slighty more psychotic side. The camera work for Quarantine was still raw, but they kept it somewhat professional as to not cause any migraines and/or people from spilling their lunch. The sad thing is that this movie will be torn apart by the critics, and hashed out as unoriginal rubbish. I completely disagree. Its brilliant. Its admirable just for the fact that years after The 28's, BWP, The Ring, and Descent they could create a horrifying scene. Complete carnage is brought before the audience, and its beautifully portrayed in only half light and half the frame. Some of you may feel the back of someones head is not that frightening, but who didnt want to see what was behind her? Who didnt want to see what was in the attic? Who felt comfort in seeing her step into reporter mode?

I jumped. I did. I sat in awe as the camera slammed into faces, slid on the floor, and built an insane amount of tension with just a flicker. I was so anxious that when the camera turned off, I felt my heart skip, and when it captured the impossible, it jumped. This is a movie that reminds me of those good modern horror movies. It has gore. It has carnage. It has derangement. And at the same time it allows the imagination to fill in the blanks, like when the elevator closes. Imagination is thrilling and powerful and frightening.

So this film is like the party and it is not fun, but scary. And I have to disagree with this party so I appear as some stranger, a menace, terrorizing lives. Oh the horror. The terrifying, unabashed destruction of everything. Isnt it wonderful.

No new music

2008-10-09T15:44:00.004-06:00

Last night I went to see Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and now I realize that its not about this gargantuan playlist that can only be encompassed by linking two maximum capacity iPods together, but instead the playlist with the apellative-"infinite". After the realization of this singular fact you can pretty much guess that all the other assumptions that you have made based off of the sharp and jocular trailer can be somehow twisted into a mere alternate that seems less passionate...a sort of "Nikee" if you will. It looks like a "Nike", but there is just something that is not there.

The film stars Michael Cera (George-Michael Bluth is his real name as far as many are concerned) and Kat Denning (40 Year Old Virgin) as a pair of independent music connoisseurs, both coming from events that have involuntarily introduced a certain blazing agony and bitter realization of the woes and pressures of being an anxious sex-driven teenager. They do the best job that their skills can do for the movie. Follow me now. Kat and Cera are great actors, but they dont convince me here. The former does better than the latter in my opinion, but they try to stay in their "classic" roles. The actual characters in the story that they are playing seem so much different than the ones that come across the silver screen. They are typecasting themselves, by refusing to diversify.

I will not lie and say the music was bad, but I think the name of the film creates quite a buzz and expectation that almost definitely cannot be met. Anyone who loves to discover new music or prides themselves as independent music connoisseurs will be disheartened at the absolute lack of dialogue addressing the trials, failures, and diamonds of combing over thousands of Myspace pages, Rolling Stone's, local weekly's, Spin's, Blender's, and any other secret hidden spots you search, and the abuse of a witty title: Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.

Peter Sollett (Raising Victor Vargas) has no idea what he is doing as the director. He had actors that are amazingly witty, to be passionless robots with one retarded thing fueling their fire. The chemistry between Kat and Cera was about as complimentary as dominoes in Connect Four. There was nothing that jumped out to me saying, "Hey!! Im the part of the movie that is badass". It was mostly gruel, no not even gruel, but Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel.

The writing was adapted for teens on the screen and was poorly done so. The book is much more derogatory and raunchy to my understanding, and that was definitely left out of the film. The characters in the book (now I have never read the book, but this is just my understanding) are not shy. They are not quiet, but its like the characters were changed in the story to get the rating, and to get the actors. In fact it was Cera's character that approaches Kat's character in the book after he spots Tris.

What can we expect after so much of the crap that has been slung on the screen this year. I think its the reason the economy is crashing.

Its too late to apologize

2008-10-04T17:08:00.004-06:00

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=43894537

retraction

2008-09-30T13:40:00.000-06:00

Attn: the last post was meant to sound like an authentic criticism of the films reviewed, but instead came off as snide and offensive to the films in question. I am truly sorry. I enjoyed the films, especially the axe wielding John Malkovich.

generalities and Penelope Cruz

2008-09-30T01:36:00.003-06:00

Two days and two movies. I know there are those of you out there who love Scarlett and there are those of you who love The Coen Brothers Assoc. I too love...mostly love what the Coens do. There are a couple decent movies out that deserve a little merit, dialogue merit, character merit, but I am going to have to say that they are overall unappeasable, and leave a sort of longing for...for maybe what has regrettably come and gone or what the film has shown and in a sense attempts to hustle the audience somewhere it doesnt want to go.

Vicky Christina Barcelona and Burn After Reading do not stop to smell the roses, those moments that come to very few and in very rare instances that every piece of the puzzle just fits. They whirl and swirl you back to a place that you know. A place you arent particularly fond of, but I really enjoyed both of these movies.

Now let me explain myself. Burn After Reading was hilarious. The story was all over the place and there was so much going on that it was swirl, twist, spin almost the whole film. The Coen brothers are talented, but they seemed to leave out a key ingredient that is so common in most of their films: smarts. Now maybe I am too dumb to see them, but this film feels hollow. It was made beautifully, the dialogue and characters are as strong as any Coen film, it proves that they are genre dynamic writers/directors, and really gets us nowheres. Vanity, deception, betrayal, or maybe the Coens mocking themselves, it really isnt that memorable. I walked out of the movie laughing, but now I can only remember a handful of parts/lines/scenes. Another story where everything according to the plan, as bumbled and disfunctional as it is, goes awry, and I think I saw this in their first...wait, every one. The disfunction is part of every story, but after watching this one I think they are using a formula, like in those crappy high school algebra classes to figure out the answer to x. Malkovich and Pitt killed it. My favorite was definitely John though.

Vicky Christina Barcelona was a classic Allen piece. Everyone is narcissistic and explorative of their own beliefs, and the dialogue is amazing and witty and everything I wish I could write. The show stealer was Cruz. After she makes her entrance, I didnt care about anything else. I loved her character. So inspired. I hate how Allen contrasts the American way of life to "everywhere else." Doug (the husband) is really an amazing guy. Very romantic, studious, hard working, smart, rich, and dedicated...I would say he is less normal and robotic as the movie portrays, but because he is cast in direct opposition to "the Spaniard" he seems uniform. Its BS. I really hated that fact, but it was funny enough, and the narration was an obvious gross exaggeration of how each of us would like to be this perfect person that we arent.

So both films were good for a laugh and a thought that comes no more than 24 hours after leaving the theater, and sticks with you no more than a couple days.