Opening Day

KC 5

Det 4

Boo-yeah Grandma!!

The year in movies, so far

The Band's Visit is pretty funny, but I think if I really understood the tension between Egypt and Isreal then I would really think it was crazy, but still it was good.

Cloverfield...well I posted about that one.
Run Fatboy Run is quite comical, but not super memorable.
Rambo rocked my balls with super badassness action kung-fu stuff.
In Bruges was actually a really good movie. If you havent seen that yet, dont delay.
The Bank Job is a wannabe Guy Ritchie film, not including the evil and horrible things Ive heard about Revolver.
Doomsday, Semi-pro, and Strange Wilderness are good enough.
But I really wanna see The Signal and Cidade dos Homens.

Now keep in mind these arent all the movies I have seen, but these are all the movies that are at least 3 stars on my scale (except Strange Wilderness, it was horrible but pretty funny). And because I obviously havent seen any movies released in the forthcoming months I am unable to comment. These movies are all released in theaters as of April 1, 2008.

Blackjack

Im just sitting down and starting Southland Tales, the latest of the Richard Kelly adventures (famed for Donnie Darko). But I must comment on the movie that I saw on Saturday night, or "Saturnight" as was sung by the late great band "Anyone but Them" who did a small stint in Manhattan Kansas, but it was "21".
The movie was entertaining enough because these kids are making so much money at playing blackjack and are taking the house for a runaround, and it gives you a kind of hope that maybe card counting is the key to winning, just like picking your own numbers is the key to winning the lotto. I honestly cant tell you why I thought it was entertaining. Maybe it was because it was shot almost entirely in the Red Rock Casino where I usually spend most of my money, not gambling, but eating at the wee hours of the morning located on the West end of Vegas.

The acting was par even for Kevin Spacey; however, the main character is based off of an Asian-American named Jeff Ma, and has stirred up quite a bit of controversy along the lines of racism for casting a Caucasian male lead (Jim Sturgess of Across the Universe). The music was very cliche but I cant complain. The characters I enjoyed the most were his nerdy friends. They were real, and they were the foundation for the whole story and the whole theme, what little there was, but they were just a side note. A couple harsh words exchanged as Ben Campbell gets more greedy and more involved in the "other life".
When it all comes tumbling down, if you didnt know this from the previews you will by watching the movie, it is way too predictable. If you want to start writing basic stories then take the format from this screenplay and just change the variables, but nicks all but one of the montage sequences. Its a bare bones story with all the classic ironies, pitfalls, loves, paybacks, and forgivings that one would start a screenplay with, but good writers build from there.
I suggest dollar movie it. If you really like to gamble or you wanna see a 20 second sensual love scene with Bosworth and cant wait, then matinee it.
But I have really been disappointed with the garbage that has come out this year. I dont think I have seen one good movie that was released in 2008...wait maybe 5.

Its a sad, sad, sad, sad world

I saw Diary of the Dead and then I walked out of the movie theater. I was expecting something bad, but not like this...not like this. Wow George you have really outcrapped yourself this time. There was not one aspect of this film that was even remotely good, except for Romero's reputation. 

I took a date to this movie and now I have lost all "movie taste respectability" and will more than likely never see her again. I could not believe how horrible this movie is. The acting is some of the worst I have ever seen and every line seems like trying to fit a couch into a mailbox. I did make the error of assuming the handycam would create a dizzying sense of chaos like in Cloverfield but better, and actually enhance the scare factor like in Blair Witch, but it was way too clean. The voices were dubbed, and the music sucked. It didnt set up the scene with tension. I felt tense during the first 5 minutes maybe and then the rest of the show was slow and dragging just like the zombies. Im not saying they have to run like in 28 days/weeks, but George has succeeded in the past with the slow pokes.

There was one scene that was so stupid, but a deaf/mute Amish fella revived it just like the zombie virus revived the dead in the movie. But I must ask one question...why the hell is the Amish guy even in there? Now that I think of it there are too many stupid scenes to even count. And he announced a sequel. 

There was so much potential here. The trailer makes the movie to be action packed, but its mostly dialogue, and George's political commentary on technology in society and the desensitizing of the world through the film medium (not George's voice, but the movie is narrated). If you want to see how to not make a zombie flick go see this piece of work.

We cant always win.

doomsday

I walked into the movie theater not knowing what to expect. I had heard of Doomsday but I didnt watch or read anything about it. It was a blind viewing, and I am gonna tell you that it was pretty ridiculous, but I kinda liked it. 

It is the psychopaths wet dream, not saying that I am a psycho, but there is a little bit of everything that would make a craze-o go b-a-n-a-n-a-s. So lemme start explaining, and if you have seen the trailer it explains the movie really good but fails to show the grandeur of absolute mayhem. The movie can be cheesy at times, but the smoking hot female lead makes up for it; as does the gore factor, which at times is head turning for the faint of heart. I thought it was pretty disgusting and Neil Marshall (The Descent) shows his taste for blood and guts once again; however paling in comparison to his previous film. 

I say you should check it out at the dollar theater just in case you dont like it, you wont feel like you wasted any money, but I went to the matinee and was happy with my purchase.

St. Patty's day

Its the most wonderful time of the year. Its St. Patty's today, I hope everyone is wearing green or your gonna get pinched, and the Irish take charge of the calendar and take care of everyone's problems in the usual way...get piss drunk and start some mayhem. And dancing and singing to Celtic punk tunes like the Dropkick Murphys. Now after that wild Thursday night, I wont be getting piss drunk, but I will be starting mayhem and dancing and singing to the Celtic punk tunes. I hope to see the light of day tomorrow. So have a Guiness and have a happy St. Patty's day.

Turn down that racket

Have you ever noticed when you are riding in someone's car, and it might even be me riding in your car, but we are riding along and the radio or stereo is at a comfortable level, meaning its not too loud, and its not to quiet. Even when you are talking there is a nice level in the background so we dont have to scream at each other and you can still hear the music, but the music isnt that great anyways.
Well what I think is ridiculous, and often times very rude, and I know that people do it out of habit from when they listen to music alone because I do the same thing with my ipod or when Im driving alone, but a song that they like comes on and they crank it up. It doesnt matter if Im in mid-sentence; its time to jam. Why? Why does the music have to be so loud in the car? Why cant people take the elevator music levels as a guide for driving-with-passengers music levels?
Now I am screaming and you are screaming, and if there are passengers in the back, they cant hear what we are screaming about unless we scream louder and in their direction, which takes the driver's eyes off the road, which is very dangerous.
I am guilty of this at times. Nobody's perfect. I get it that when a song comes on people want to really hear every word, but you can hear every word even at less wattage. I have tested it, and I am right. Harvard Sociology and Sound department did a study and discovered the screaming in the car is reminiscent of being angry so there is more chance of getting road rage or getting in an argument with a loved one, but if the music is calm then it promotes feelings of serenity and happiness. And that leads to more sex. So really folks, who doesnt want that.

Im white

A freakin hilarious blog that I just stumbled onto as I was writing a paper and searching for some stuff on co-ed sports. I dont know if the author is non-white or just super funny, but considering most of the people who read this blog are white, I thought we "The big oppressor man" could use a little jeering. 

Strangely I never know how to appropriately act when I am the object of the joke. If I laugh I feel like an ignoramus. If I dont laugh Im a bitter prick with no sense of humor. Do I just smile and give a demeaning vulgar response?

Anyways, here it is. Its called stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

skeezy breezy beautiful

Im about to lay down some fat rhymes yo. Check it, check it.

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Im just sitting in my bedroom

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checking out the hoes on redtube

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gettin ready to go to the bathroom

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cause Im feeling sumpin comin out the poopshoot

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Getting ready for the night to get busy

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gonna call up a hoe named Trixie

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She has a tattoo, its a pixie

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and she really really likes to suck ****s see

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Cant wait to spend next months paycheck

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on drinks, on gas, on flapjacks

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Trixie brings all her friends, they cracka'jacks

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I ditch those hoes and dont look back

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I meet two girls at the club see

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We go out to check my twenty

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They're shocked, like Im famous on MTV

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cant believe I roll a Model T

So thats what was rollin around my head today. I had to just get it out. I also made a few minor adjustments to the rhyming pattern. I hope you can figure it out. Its a pretty simple two beats per count. Thats what the numbering is for.

Dolla-dolla bills ya'll

I recently made a big purchase so I was forced to make unwanted cuts in certain areas of my life that I would rather increase spending. 

Cell phone usage: I had to cut down my cell phone text messages and I had to take the TV option off. I cant keep forking out for this ridiculous nonsensical stuff. So please try to email me if you have any pressing questions, or just call me after 9pm. Calling is permitted if you have Verizon, but texting is not.

Blockbuster online: Its great. Its probably the hardest thing to give up. They have every movie, but it just isnt worth it to me anymore. Someday in the future I will probably rejoin.

Gas: Its way too expensive. I am gonna try to start taking the train, But I only have two more months or so in SLC so I can start thinking about a bike...aaahh, warm weather.

Garage sale: Getting rid of all my stuff will help in the process of simplifying my life. Its all part of the "Spring cleaning" bug that is going around. Books, bags, tees, jeans, shoes, and other miscellaneous items that I will be selling.

Food: Im buying groceries. And I learned this years ago while I was living in California. I learned two things actually: Eating out is not cheap and keep your knees bent.

I like to spend money and I find that I impulse buy every now and then, and it was just bad timing right now. Maybe I should just take it back. After all it is unopened, and I can wait for a little while before I really need this. Im not gonna tell you what it is that I bought because I might take it back.

post celebrity siting

Last night we (me, Dr.J, and L) had the amazing and rare opportunity to see Flight of the Conchords live. We had a man on the inside who managed to get three guest passes into the event. He will remain nameless. The problem was that there were four of us, but Jackieshan gave up his chance and gave it to me. So we go in, and they are already playing. It was pretty cool, but its not the first time I have seen a celebrity. This was a little different than regular celebrity siting because it was basically their stand-up from HBO; which is like a concert. There is no real interaction, or even a chance to interact.

I like Jemaine and Brett a lot, but I always thought they were more of the "keep it original" type. Always keeping their act fresh, especially two years later, but I was sadly disappointed.

I notice that every time I see a celebrity, I get all giddy and almost wiz my pants, but there is a feeling of unsatisfaction post siting, and I have gotten it from every celebrity I have seen except Tara Reid. Its like the feeling of a hangover, or post-ejac, or being turned away after just one kiss because you are a bad kisser (just heard about it), or getting to tickle with the tip but no more because of the lack of dong bags (again Ive never experienced it). That depressing feeling of disgust with oneself for misleading oneself or over-hyping of a celebrity to oneself. Its the realization that the celebrity really isnt as cool/funny/hot/super as your previous-to-celebrity- siting self thought.

Well unfortunately that happened last night with Flight of the Conchords.

Normalcy

I was watching Oceans Eleven (the new one), and there was a moment when I thought about how convenient, or even heralded, it is to be normal. Its when Rusty is instructing Linus. He says:

"Dont use seven words when four will do. Dont shift your weight. Look always at your mark, but dont stare. Be specific, but not memorable. Be funny, but dont make him laugh. Hes gotta like you and then forget you the moment you've left his site. And for God's sake, dont -- under any circumstances..."

And then he is called into the other room by Livingston. Now this is probably just me making excuses, but in the job of being a thief it makes sense to be as normal as possible. Of course the fact that the person is gaining your trust, whilst robbing you of your millions is...well it is somewhat normal, right. But I was thinking of this because of the ever-so-profound comment made by Samuryan on my Cloverfield post, saying that I hated the camera guy because, in his words somewhat resembling those of Jungle Julia, "average-not-bad-looking-but-not-great-
looking-sometimes-funny-but-not-all-the-time-wants-the-girl-he-can-never-have guy nobody thinks they are, but...well, we all kind of resemble."

I guess I resemble this guy, but...but at least it makes me more likeable, and trusting, and I can walk out of your house with stolen goods.

Maybe I should get a trade.

el acidente

A couple of weeks ago I was coming back from Vegas with Sparkles and Derdie, and I hit a deer. There was no real impact like you would think of while hitting a deer, and it breezed right over the front right side of the car. We hit it going about 70 mph so that might have helped in slicing through the deer. It was a large doe.

But there were four of them spread across the freeway. One in my lane, one in the right shoulder, and two on the left shoulder. I have dodged deer before, and I think I am a quick thinker when faced with a situation like this (I've dodged two others), but this was unavoidable...because there was a car to my left. I had no other option but to cut through the deers legs. I hope it died a slow death. Maybe it broke its two front legs and was thrown up and spun and landed on its head and breaking its neck, it suffocated on its own blood that spewed from a hemorrhaged vessel in its nasal cavity. I can imagine it lying there, gurgling blood, trying to swallow with difficulty, and trying to kick with its hind legs, and every time it moves even a little bit pain shoots though its neck, head, and legs.

Sorry. So this happened at about 8:15pm. We were two hours from SLC, and 20 miles from a town. I pulled over and assessed the damage. Not as bad as it could have been. The deer should have ripped that little tin can apart and come through the windshield, and partially ripped the roof off, but it was really minimal body damage. The radiator was crushed and wouldnt hold water, but we had to seek shelter or we were gonna freeze to death...so we drove. It actually drove pretty good. It could go 65 with minimal misalignment issues. We made it two miles before the car overheated and so I popped her in neutral and shut it off. We would coast as far as possible, let the engine cool down and repeat. We made one stop for 30 minutes at a gas station right off the freeway, but it was closing. We got to the town at about 12:15 am. One hour later our rescue, my brother-in-law with a tow trailer, arrived.

So he took the car and his dad worked on it. $350 dollars is what I am paying for the damage by him fixing it. A little under $1500 dollars is what I got estimated from an autobody shop. It will be multi-colored now, but I can get a decent paint-job on the whole car for $250 if I want. But the car is finished, and Im scheduled to pick it up.

Wild Harlem Nights

I just have four words for my Thursday night: Cocaine, BBQ pulled pork, raging hormones, and the Black Magic 2000...or maybe it was a donkey.

As of late I have unavoidably been thrown into a world of wild misconduct and lascivious behavior that is condoned by regular social norms, e.g. two girls one cup style, but I have fortunately been able to merely observe as the raucous environment spins circles around me until Thursday...

Most of the night will live in the blinks and flashes that pass in dreams, but there was a moment that I do remember; however vague and blurred my memory will be, and it was at a gay bar. Wild women, flowing nectar, and shirtless homosexual fires is not the place I particularly want to be, although I was enjoying the lesbian displays of affection, I was not expecting to be included. I remember a triple kiss...some of you may know that it was "The Real World" that made that trendy, but the rest is blank.

The only thing I know is what the pictures from my cell phone tell me, and it is not pretty. How could I have let myself go. It was beauty that killed the beast! I dont remember these girls, but it was quite evident from the pics that she will remember me, and my "secret weapon". One other thing I remember is searching through the yellow pages for donkeys.

Imagine walking through life and then blacking out. It reminds me of the Butterfly Effect. Well on Thursday night I experienced a moment that will domino with increasing intensity like that of an avalanche that gathers speed and mass as it rolls down the hill and someday affect what happens; consequences; choices; responsibility (I hope I didnt get anyone pregnant).

I know that BBQ pulled pork was involved because of the eerie joker smile that lingered on my face - reminiscent of the late Heath Ledger, and in utmost respect and homage as "The Joker", and the burps.

So a word to the wise: It is better to start at the gay bar than to end there.