Hawaii

Hey everybody. The moment of truth has come. I dont think I ever told you that I got a traditional film camera for my bday, and you all know that I went to Hawaii, well I got the pics developed. I know they are a little crappy quality, I will see what I can do about that, but let me tell you about the pics. click here. I suggest you open them in another window.

They are side-by-side so I could conserve some load time for you...see I do it all for you.

1. Some of you might recognize this from a little show called "Lost". At least this is the spot from the previews.
2. A double exposure of a sunset and a little tree fort at Diamondhead beach.
3. Inside of a cave that smelled like people used as a bathroom. This is a little cove down from the road.
4. Just waves sloshing over the rocks.
5. & 6. Hanauma Bay. I didnt wind the roll completely on purpose to create this panoramic effect.
7. Laie point and that is "hole in the rock" in the background. Check out the wave splashing up and over the right edge of the island. L to R: T, legs Hawaii, jackieshan, RD
8. A double exposure. Legs Hawaii and a resting turtle at Turtle Beach, they always camp out there, hence the name. And the other image is a gravestone.
9. Manana falls and my back. good shot RD.
10. Manana falls and the gang. L to R: Assh, RD, Cocktail, jackieshan (standing), and T
11. A triple exposure of the fleeting sun and a foamy dance around a green rock.
12. Waves at Waiamea were 30ft faces that day. I got in the water, and it was the only time in the ocean I have been scared.
13. China walls and the Spitting Cave. This is where we saw three monk seals up close and personal. We climbed down to the spitting cave and they swam right up to us, playing in the water. They were barking and checking us out, just chilling. People have died in spitting cave and the seals were playing in it like it was a wave pool. L to R: T (Dole Hawaii Tee), and jackieshan.

Bob

I was watching PBS today and I was in a profound state of mind, where I wanna turn everything into a philosophical question, having much to do with social and psychological bologna, and there was Bob. Bob Ross that is. And you can only imagine what was running through my head as Bob painted with such pacifism and gentle strokes, while his smooth supple voice commented on the necessity for freedom of expression and the imperative creativity that sustains the imaginary painted world of each individual.

I was translating his comments on color mixes, blade, brush, and stroke choices to explain the woes, misunderstandings, and blessings of everyday life. He was brilliant and he had it all figured out. He was a squirrel physical therapist, a wonderful painter, and a decent human being. As the strokes graced the canvas in an utterly chaotic manner, I thought that nature was beautiful. I gained a new appreciation for disarray, spontaneity, and the unexpected; after all, isnt that the nature of life?

the penitent man shall pass

I was reading an article in the new Vanity Fair, the other magazines I read are Cosmo and Inked, that spotlighted George Lucas talking about Indiana Jones 4. It was some interesting stuff. I am not gonna recap the article because I believe that you should go to the closest Barnes and just check it out yourself. No pressure though. I know some of you may not want to know anything about it, but I personally think it is gonna kick some serious balls. Its set in the 50's and Lucas says he wants to stick with the times, if you catch my drift, but there are no really huge spoilers in the article.

One of the things he talks about is what Alfred Hitchcock called a "Macguffin". Well Lucas says he didnt get the idea for the macguffin in this movie until he was doing some of the TV series with H. Ford. Inspired, he wrote a script for the fourth installment, but was brutally rejected by his peers. It was the macguffin.

I have been having good luck with writing macguffins until just recently. I wouldnt call it writers block, but its a trough in the wave. I still get ideas, but I dont get that idea that I HAVE to write down. Its more of something that I think about and then have to develop it. I hate those ideas. I like the ideas that just come. True, all ideas must be developed, but the ideas I was getting were smooth and refreshing, like a cold Coke at the afternoon baseball game. Now I am dry.

They dont come as often. They dont come complete. They dont come smooth. They dont come easy. I got no new macguffins. Where is my muse? What is my muse?

The penitent man...the penitent...the penitent.

Hence the shoddy posts.

The Post everyone is waiting for:

"There Will Be Blood!"

Go see it. Do not let it escape the theater. Daniel Day, if you don't win the oscar I will blow up Hollywood, Lewis.

That is all I can say man.

first post for two weeks

This is not the story of how freakin awesome Hawaii was; I am gonna post all about Hawaii when I get my photos developed. That way you people will have some pictures to look at after you read that it was probably the best Hawaii trip I have taken thus far, and I even lived there for 5 months...2 years ago.

No this is my first post for two weeks and it is about Cloverfield. It is a love story. Its a good love story, and I may say that because of all the issues I have been having in this area of my life, but J.J. Abrams (Armageddon, Forever Young, "Lost") is definitely one of the cheesiest writers in Tinseltown, but he is good, and he makes thoughtless action films and blends in a little love. I hated Armageddon, but I must admit, when Bruce Willis suddenly changes places with Ben Affleck...my ducts swell a bit.

I walked in about ten minutes late, but I didnt miss anything because the movie isn't about the first ten minutes. I caught just enough of the exchanges between Rob and Beth to know their basic relationship. My friends told me that the beginning is just a little more character development between these two and how they relate to the expendables. Oh yeah, there might be some spoilers in here.

If you think its Godzilla, you are wrong, but it is a huge creature. The effects are pretty freakin sweet, but the handy cam gets to a lot of people. I personally dont mind it because thats about as steady as my steady cam shots. The one thing I thought was really distracting was the kid behind the cam. I hated his freakin guts and all the stupid comments he was making. And his voice just didnt seem real...it was a very clean, dubbed over sound; especially when he yells, the levels should peak and the speakers should drop out, but they dont.

The girls are all babes, which is definitely a plus. But like I said, the story is a love story. Rob regrets what he told Beth, and now that the world is ending he has to save her...well he has to tell her that he loves her. I warned you about spoilers. When the movie ended most of the people around me were pissed, but I liked the last little bit. It was happy, and you could just sense the sexual tension.

During the whole movie I wondered if circumstances were the same would anyone call me...and I sadly realized nobody, and I wondered if I would call anybody...and I sadly realized that nobody would expect me to call.

Shit.

Maybe J.J. Abrams has got it? Is life all about action and love? If so I need to reevaluate my priorities just in case some horrible event causes the end of civilization: zombies, Godzilla, aliens, a cell phone signal, war, the apocalypse, or monsters.

Turns out, I am gay

At a stop light, radio blaring a familiar classic rock station, sitting in my two-tone chevy pickup when the most powerful, yet soft, yet loud, yet most beautiful voice on the earth hits my ears.

The ears take every piece of sound coming through the speakers and into my body, causing the hairs on my arms to rise. They are pushed up by the millions of goose bumps all over my body as pure ecstasy surges throughout.

My heart beats faster, my stress relieves me, and no sound in the world can break my concentration on a voice so perfect. I have to focus on every breath he takes in, for I know I only have 4 minutes at most to escape reality.

The other man he sings with made him famous, yet sounds tone deaf compared to his prodigy. You know who it is, everyone knows who it is.

For 4 minutes I heard "Under Pressure", but for 4 minutes I felt the complete opposite. He had to die, he was just too damn amazing.

It played on as I slowly reached in my pants and began...

Now what, hooker.

Again, this may be directed towards you Bridgejumper. Let's think about this: How many times has the lovely Croonie asked for your advice? How many times has he actually included you in any of his writings? How much fun have you had with Croonie, and all of his writings?

I have blogged a couple of times and already have included you so much in the Blog, people were cheering you on, anticipating your next witty post. Unfortunately for yourself, you miserably failed.

However, the point being, I included you so everyone would be able to hear your thoughts, passions, desires, gayness and whatever else you wanted to say about me or anyone else. I didn't even know you were a person until now, and I am pretty sure Croonie still doesn't know.

You love standin up for him, but what does he give you in return. I at least walk around the circle tapping everyone's head with a loud , "duck, duck, duck", and when I got to you...

"GOOSE."

Consider that loveliness.

P.S. Bucket List sucked my ass.

Dear Bridgejumper,

I love your comments. Good stuff. But here is the sad truth that you may be facing.

I admit, I definitely write a little bit differently from Croonie and Samuryan. Big words, commas in place, ingenious ideas, big penis's. What? Anygay, I write how I talk, write what I hate, who I hate, my likes, yada yada yada. But consider this Suicide King, your name fits what I write and when I write just perfectly.

I consider you just a little pawn in my game. My game is writing, your game is reading. Now, you can choose to stop now if you would like. If not, consider me the firing squad and you the one being executed. Everything that I am writing on this, usually gets read whether we like what I write or not.

Now, I told you i was giving you your freedom of choice, but if you made it this far... I just put a bullet in your brain. Sucks to be you doesn't it. That is the beauty of the writer.

Now, you have 2 options: quit now, cry, and leave the bullet I just penetrated you with in your head and never come here again, or take the gun (you may have heard a famous adage like this: "the pen is my sword") and fire write back at me. Sac up or shut the fuck up.

P.S. Samuryan, it's up to us to take the sword while Croonie is M.I.A.

last post for two weeks

two things to say
1. Im going to Hawaii and I will post when I get back.

2.


Jackieshan showed me this video and Ive been hooked ever since. I keep playing it over and over again. I cant believe how much it kicks your ass. And the adult Gelfling. Come on. We all have a thing for gelflings, ever since The Dark Crystal.

Test... Test... Testicles.

Just a trial run, folks, to see if the resident Luddite can successfully tag something on the wall, here. As Dr. J seems to be focusing quite a bit on his cinematic experiences, I'll leave you with my Top 10 of the year (although in the interest of full disclosure, I feel obligated to inform you, dear reader, that the present version of myself has yet to view all of the films listed here by my future self).

10. The Assassination Of Brad Pitt By The Coward Casey Affleck
9. Michael Clayton
8. Grindhouse (The theatrical experience, not the butchered video fodder)
7. Paprika
6. Zodiac
5. Gone Baby Gone
4. The Darjeeling Limited
3. No Country For Old Men
2. There Will Be Blood
1. The Wind That Shakes The Barley


And the Jury Prix goes to...

Once

Good year for the Mick's. Erin Go Bragh!

The Great Debaters

This movie was a little bit strange for my taste. I mean, I thought racism was dead however, Denzel is firing off a whole new movie to start riots, and debates throughout the country. I just hope that my black fiance doesn't take this movie literally, or it's trouble for us.

Definitely a tear jerker, but a true story that really leads to nowhere. It was set in 1935. They debate their asses off on how schools should be desegregated, no more violence amongst blacks, and the usual.

What did they accomplish? Absolutely nothing. As I recall, Kennedy didn't desegregate until the 60's therefore making that impeccable group of debaters and the movie, almost a feel bad movie.

Just for fun, maybe Denzel the director, could have picked a more important milestone in black history. Oh wait, those are all taken. I know more about my girlfriend's culture than she does, only because I have seen more movies.

Point being, racism is dead Denzel, but you keep bringing it back up. And if another movement does start... my kid will be right in front.

DVD worthy kids.

Croonie the Correct (so far)

The Doctor here comin back at ya, not with a silly gay dream, but with the input on whether or not to trust that Croonie character.

"Charlie Wilson's War" was pretty damn good. I will tell you right now how I rate movies and I think you should listen to me. Here is your new glossary of terms (I am the Doctor).

Theater worthy- go see the flick as soon as I say those two words.

DVD worthy- take your time nerds. Don't waste your dreamgirl date on this one unless you plan on roundin' the bases in your room.

HBO worthy- this flick is for when you already punched your clown until chaffing sets in, you're tired now, ready for bed, and it's on HBO. However, don't waste your breathe because obviously you have cable if you can watch it on HBO. Flip it to adult swim on the cartoon network and you'll never be disappointed.

TBS (the superstation of suck) worthy- if you saw the preview or the poster to this kind of flick... that is good enough.

ABC worthy- when you go to Canada to see your brother, he doesn't have cable and your Mom wants to watch it. Chances are, you have already seen this flick and if you haven't... I hope your genitals self-destruct in 5...4...3... You get the point douche.

Charlie Wilson's War was theater worthy. Quit punchin your clown and get to work watchin. It was good and I am backin up Croonie like Juvenile backs dat ass up. Wait, no, that sounded gay.

A dream I had

I had a pleasantly unpleasant dream. I know it isnt going to make any sense to most of you, but this has been on my mind for a couple days. It was a vague dream, but at the same time it was detailed. I wish I could paint some pictures on here to show you, but you will just have to live with the descriptions.

It was present day. It was snowing and the blistering Winter cold was howling. I had recently woken up and we were getting ready hit the slopes early for a little sesheroni on the mountain. On the way up there was a cow in the middle of the road. We saw it a ways off so there was no chance of hitting it, but it was blocking the whole road. And another strange thing is that we were in Kansas. We were all decked out in our gear on our way to Colorado, but we were going to Brighton. We were starting to stress out because the cow was making us late so we wouldnt get our moneys worth, especially driving all that way and trying to hit it the whole day. But I didnt really want to go the full day so I wasnt as pissed at the cow as everyone else.

Next thing I know we are passing through Cañon City, and we always stop at that grocery store to get discounted tickets. We get the tickets and are roughly an hour away from Brighton, Utah (I know it doesnt make any sense, but its a freakin dream).

So we get up to the mountain and we are waiting to exchange our stubs for the real tickets when I see my ex-girlfriend. Im shocked and I have to kinda do a double take just to make sure its her and not one of those doppelgangers that I always see, and when I look back at her she spots me. I was gonna just try to pretend I didnt see her, but we make eye contact.

My heart starts to race. I havent seen or even talked to her in more than two years, and Im getting as nervous as a school girl meeting one of the Corey's for the first time. I try to calm myself down and keep telling myself that I am better looking, thinner, less nerdy since she last knew me (most of these changes came about because of her), so I try to play it cool. I play the calm and collected card.

I hate this girl, but at the same time I am absolutely infatuated with her. The conversation is great. Playful. Flirty. Funny. I know that I look good, and she looks exactly the same as she was two years ago, absolutely gorgeous, but she is smarter. I can tell she has matured, but she also maintains that careless side. We are getting along great. She is here visiting Utah on their annual trip to Conference with her family. I see her parents, and fake a smile and wave. I hate them! I hate everything about them! But I play the role with all the pleasantries and the monotonous banter, and the cheesy jokes and smiles.

She is about to leave and I realize this could be the only moment I will ever see her again so I put my money against the fates and say, "Well hey, I might not see you again, we are probably only gonna hit a half day soo...but I want to...see you again, I mean, before you go. And I know you will wanna get away from your parents for a night,"

She interjects, "We dont have a lot of time really..."

I immediately start to hate her again. But she finishes.

"...but I really wanted to see you again. Just call me later tonight."

We exchange numbers, and the rest of the day seems like the best day I've had since I moved to Utah. Everything works. Its like the universe has perfectly aligned. I am stomping everything I huck. No problems on the rails. And the day ends. As we are driving down the mountain there is an accident that was caused by a cow. The same cow, but this time the cow is dead in the road. Traffic is creeping down the canyon and my phone rings...its a good friend who knows my ex. I tell him the story and he is weary of her. He never liked her after we broke up.

The dream details get foggy at this point. I know that I saw her that night and we hit it off. It was like old times. Non. Stop. Laughter. It did get a bit juicy, but nothing serious because she has a boyfriend, but I thought I might as well seize the day. And then I woke up.

Oh and Death Cab was playing in my phones. "Someday You Will Be Loved." I think its because that song reminds me of her.

So what does it mean?

Resolution(s)

There has been a lot of talk about Utah...well not a lot, but I commented on it, and there were some slanderous comments made about Nazi Utah and what not, which I completely agree with, and it was interesting how the writer's of Resident Evil: Extinction chose to portray the remaining Utahans. If you havent seen the movie I wouldnt suggest it, at least nothing past that part, unless you are going to the dollar theater or someone else is paying or you like to watch Mila Jovovich (all three for me). But they are the uncivilized rednecks that are barely less savage than the zombies. They rape, steal, kill, inbreed, and look like they just got back from a monster truck rally.

So Me and Jackieshan go out for New Years, and there is a pretty girl asking us what our resolutions are. I am trying to be witty, and blurt out,

"To not die."

"To not die?" She responds.

"Yep."

At this point I realize that isnt really as funny as I played out in my head, but I cant go back on it now so I say,

"Im not ready to die, so logically I am gonna do my best to not die."

This obviously does not spark her interest, and she probably doesnt know how to comment on such a stupid reply. So she asks Jackieshan.

He stops for a second, takes a sip of his drink, and just like in an old western he looks straight forward, cool and calm, and says,

"To get out of Utah."

Shit! His response was a hundred times better than mine. What was I thinking? To not die? How random. How boring. How stupid. What do I do? Nobody is saying anything so I interject.

"Yep," I say, "I wanna change mine. Thats way better. I wanna get out of
Utah...even if I die trying."

They laugh. Oh the sound of sweet success. So that is my New Year's resolution. Actually I probably wont be coming back from Hawai'i. Why did I ever leave there in the first place? Thats one of the big regrets.

Now a little piece from CSS

Movies are my beach house
Movies are my hot hot sex
Movies are my back rub
Movies are where i'd like you to touch.

The Doc is In

So, I got invited to pick some thoughts from my tiny cranium and shoot them out on CROONIES. I also wanted to see if this would post up down low in the paint to score an easy 2. But, before I throw anything out there, the Ryanbruhvas crew knows me as "King of the Comma". If you seem to have a problem, with, my, random, comma, placing, beat, it, nerd, cause, that, is, my, style. And, at least I know how to spell misisipi.

Now off to "Charlie Wilson's War" to see how great of taste Croonie's food is. I will be sure to let y'all know if it's as good as a Kansas City rib or a Thailand dog pizza.