its not about me

Here is a pretty sick picture that a professional friend of mine took on thanksgiving eve. check it out at this site. rabbitfootdown.blogspot.com

Two

Two can be as bad as one. Its the loneliest number since the number one. Its true. An empty relationship. Its genius. I find that I have a lot of hollow experiences that my other half finds to be profound and meaningful, and I recognize the emotional alteration so I fake one. I think that I tell myself its for their own good, like Im preventing some catastrophic event if they were to find out I am uninvested, but the more I think about it I do it for me. To prevent confrontation. It has become easier to falsify emotion than it is to explain my absence from the relationship.

But there are girls that I do pursue, adore, and am enamored by.

anonymous

I think anonymity can be one of the most truth inspiring devices ever invented. I was in B&N and I stumbled onto a book called "Post Secret" (this was a while back, but I was just reminded of it today). The idea behind post secret is that people send in postcards that have messages on them. Im sure some of them are fakes, because I know I have sent in a fake, but I guarantee that the majority are real. Check out the book or the website PostSecret.

almost hopeless

There is a book of knowledge that exists. I have seen it, and touched it, and leafed through the pages, but it was taken from me. It is nothing to look at. It has an old red cover, weathered though, like an old leather bound journal. It is quite apparent that it has been used, read hundreds of times, and even abused. However, it has its appeal to those of us who know what it is. It has that feeling that connects the ages, like the discovery of an ancient tomb or some amazing artifact.
I was given the chance to look through it on two seperate occasions, but the first time I did not fully comprehend what it was. I simply glanced at it, and read a little bit, but I jumped around so the passages didnt form an absolute representation in my mind. The second time I saw it was almost three years ago, but this time I knew the importance of it, and I read with a different intention. I aimed to finish, but I could not. That second time I noticed that there were notes in the margins and some places where someone tried to manipulate the original text, but it was still in relatively very good condition. The second time I had it I took notes on particular parts I thought especially interesting, and I tried to make better sense of them. I listened to discourses by other people who had read the book, and their personal stories and impressions that the book left on them, but the discourses didnt make much sense to me compared with what I had read. They were almost counter intuitive and misleading. I feel the only way to understand better this book is to acquire it once again. So I have set out to look for it.
Through contacts who will remain nameless, I have been given hints as to the whereabouts, but because no one really knows where it is at any given time it moves around so much. Hints dont help much because they tell me where it is and thus far I am always one step behind.
I am beginning to doubt I will ever see the book again, but I noticed that when I did see it I was unaware of its presence until it nearly dropped off a shelf and hit me on the head. I am not completely hopeless. I heard it was here, but I think it is just outside of my circle of influence. Maybe Im just not supposed to see it yet.
I have met other people who have read the book and others who merely think they have. I have met people who have glanced at it, or have browsed its pages and dismissed it not knowing fully the magnitude and importance of their encounter, but then again the book is not everything. It is a kind of puzzle for some and clear as day to others. Some people dont like it and dont want anything to do with it. Some people have written fakes. But it does exist. I have seen it with my own eyes.

a blog hell

I had a horrible nightmare last night. I was in my rool bou J xbt kvtu tubsjoh bu my compvufs tdsffo; no ideas wfre coming to mjoe. I dpvme opu uiiol. What was happening? Where was uif mesdz.

the review

I went last night to the Spy-hop film event "Pitch-nic" and saw three of the four films. I originally planned on taking a girl, but that did not work out so I had to take my second best, Siege (obviously a fake name). Now we arrived and there was a lot of people there, and a lot of pretty girls that looked young, roughly the age of the filmmakers, and Siege turns to me and says, "Dude we are gonna get some puuusssssyyyy," real subtle like. There are free refreshments and those fancy mini pita toast crackers and salami and cheese. The refreshments were really great and make me want to hit the next Spy-hop event.

The films: There were four films, but we only saw three because of Siege. He got a business call and said he had to go, the problem was that I was driving so I had to go too. Not cool. Even though the films were not good.

"The Neighbors" was the art film. The story opens with four people getting into the elevator, all of them going to different floors, but not saying a word to each other. The filmmaker chose to parallel the lives of the tenants and how un-interwoven they are even though they live in the same building. They did unrelated tasks and really normal things. The climax of the story is when one of the women leaves her apartment and you hear her screaming, but all the other tenants just lock their doors. One lady calls the police, and the man turns up his radio and pours another drink. As a sort of resolution the filmmaker tried to create more tension by creating confusion. The screen goes black and then reopens with the characters doing the same things they were already doing. They then get on the elevator and there is minus one. I didnt see a point really. There was only sync sound, and the only music came from within the scene. Poor lighting I must have been a choice of the director to set a dreary tone.

"Big Bad Wolf" was a short documentary on fear. This was kinda interesting because of the three main subjects that were chosen to overcome their fear. It sets up human fears, the what, why's, and how's, by talking to local psychologists and other professionals then goes on to single out three fears and attempts to help the subjects understand their fears and supercede them by just throwing them into a situation. Birds, ghosts, and needles are the three fears highlighted, but the film sub-splits into fear in film, and even becomes politically driven by addressing media driven fear all while holding onto the three main subjects. It was too much for a 20 minute piece. I felt it was too broad.

"Jerry" was a comedy about a zombie. The description read something like a comedy about a zombie who has to face the difficulties of work because of his lack of motor skills, and tries to win over the girl he loves. The film was nothing like the description. It started out funny. As Jerry is getting ready for work he does the usuals, but he has to apply tons of body spray so that he doesnt stink as bad. He looks like a typical zombie. he drags himself into work, and that is pretty much the last scene with Jerry until the end because it goes into a musical. The other office workers start singing about their jobs and how they are healthy, happy, and alive, while you sometimes see Jerry in the background. Then they go play tennis? And Jerry obviously cant play tennis so this scene actually worked for about ten seconds, then they go into a song and dance while Jerry is barely in scene. The sub plot pretty much takes over the main plot. Another zombie in the office, but he looks all healthy and has no real physical incapacities, is stealing the heart of the girl Jerry loves, but I was confused about the whole thing. I didnt know Jerry liked the girl until near the end he writes a note "I (heart) U ZOE", I just thought he was envious at the fact the other zombie could sing and dance and play tennis, which I felt was erroneous. I didnt even know that guy was a zombie until half way through. But it turns out the girl is full of herself and neither of the zombies even want her. I took that as the theme of the short, and it honestly lasted as long as it took to read the sentence.

The last film was supposed to be about lesbians, but freakin Siege had to leave.

Pitch-Nic

Spy-hop is putting on a little film festival this Tuesday, November 6th. There will be four 20 minute films from local young adult filmmakers. I have never been to a spy-hop event, but I have heard that the films are good. The filmmakers are ages 17-19, and from the salt lake area.
My early predictions of the films is that there is going to be one good one. But it will really suck. But when shown with the other three, it will appear as a marvelous work of art. I am not gonna be pretentious just because the filmmakers are younger than I am. I remember almost flawlessly what I was thinking when I was 17-19, mostly because I pretty much think the same thing now, but the shorts will not be festival worthy. Stylistically they will be challenged. The acting will suck. And the music will be "hipster" crap that so many SLC youth debase their minds with.
I actually hope that the films will be cliche art films, then hopefully at least one will have something useful enough for me to steal.